I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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