remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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