I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
