so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize