best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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