its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
