hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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