Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
