when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
