never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
