i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
