she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
