I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
