Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
