wat bout pragnant strippers??
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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