id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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