He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
grandma shit on top of the toilet
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just gift wrapped bread.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
