Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
