Your tits are I can't wait for
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
