so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
two words: eviction party
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
