So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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