____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
