Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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