My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
