No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
