I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
