I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
