if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
