I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
