I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
