We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
