I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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