so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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