HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
