why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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