i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
