I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
