Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
