i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
