two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
