I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Bring me that man meat
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
