im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
