Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
