I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
