I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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