i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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