i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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