the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
