Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just found puke in my bra..
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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