Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
