I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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