i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
