If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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