I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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