Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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