He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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