All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
too bad you live with your parents still
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
