I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
